what i know now

if i knew then what i know now...i would have never gave you my love. you see then i didn't know what my love was truly worth. if i'm being perfectly honest with myself i twisted the word love to fit the reality of our situation. a situation that killed time. now i'm not going to lie when i reflect i catch glimpses of a smile, a laugh, and a good day, but it becomes overshadowed by the truth. speaking of the truth, theres nothing truthful about you. i know now my love is worth the truth. you my dear were never worth my love. if i knew then what i know now... i would have never forfeited my happiness. i consider it insane that i thought showing you that i would sacrifice my happiness to prove to you that i love you was worth the agony.  my frame of mind is if he sees that i will put my happiness on the back burner to satisfy him, to show him i was his ride or die chick, he will see how good he has it. hindsight is 20/20 because you knew how good you had it, you didn't give a damn. now don't take my words as bitterness, because my dear this is just me. it took me some time to know what i know now, but i decided to redeem myself and love myself 10xs more than i ever loved you. i can say today i know what real love is. the love i have for me is more relentless than  ever.  my love now is without pride & ego.  my love then was one sided, censored, and wasn't honored. my love now is bare, raw, animate, clean, manageable, and most of all its empowering. i know now to love brilliantly, to love with perception, love rationally. now i know love.